Ego Check

I've been in a strange slump as of late. Not a usual wreck the walls and disappear sort of slump- Just a general sense of "eh" now that things are close to up and running.
I think I am at a threshold of finally being able to step away and realize I don't have to be "doing it all" all the time. I think one of my most crippling struggles has always been the ego pull between the producer and the performer. Because both are always trying to drive...
Seriously carrying this brain is like being a stressed out mom swatting at her kids while trying to maneuver a 1964 Country Squire wagon.
I just hear chatter..
a constant stream of chatter that sounds a little something like this
posters- posters- web- web -oh costume!-where are my keys? when is class? what am I doing Oh fliers, I forgot fliers-...on and on till eventually I a.) scream or b.) fall asleep.
when I lay out on paper how very much I have chosen to be responsible for I really want to take myself out side and kick myself square in the pants.
I thought I would try and use this to write about some sort of "Process" that I go through in doing all this stuff and seriously the more I think about it the more I see that my process is a delicate balance of wild inspiration, survival tactics and vague and brilliant glimpses of this huge world I want to create.
Now don't get me wrong when I say big and meaningful things like "huge world" I am not talking about this huge blissed out utopia of fancy artists-
I just see movies, feel scenes and moments- I see the way light crosses street signs and how music fades in and out as I walk with my headphones on.
I see and feel these things that have no words.
I hold no big ideas that I am somehow gifted or special because of them-
I hate calling myself anything-particularly and "Artist" I mean when I have to write a bio and it asked what I do I say "I do stuff"
I find myself getting more and more hungry to be really good at something, to own something, really DO something.
I see other people doing it, it can't be that hard can it?